does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
