don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
