wrigley field is MILF paradise
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
