I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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