This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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