I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
