Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize