dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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