She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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