ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
