we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
