We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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