He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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