why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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