Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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