I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
the night ended with taco bell and tears
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
