one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Floor bacon is actually really good
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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