hell yes lets make some ravioli
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
