She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
