Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
