Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
