Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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