then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
