I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
