No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
