EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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