Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The adults are the big ones right?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
