i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
