I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
