She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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