If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The adults are the big ones right?
last night I used snow as a chaser
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