OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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