; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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