Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Umm I'm too high to move.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
