Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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