I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
