I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You need a sexual gate keeper
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
