Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
