Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
