I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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