Your face is a jimmy john
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Randomize
