Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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