If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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