it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
