I want to stick my p in your. b.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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