i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
