his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I currently don't understand fingers.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
