if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
