If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just want to make out with him forever
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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