the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
