worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
