ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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