like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
where are you?
Hypothermia
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
