i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
