He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
