her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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